Lately, I’ve been in a bit of a slum. I haven’t really felt like ACTUALLY getting things done – I wanted to, but I just didn’t feel like it. I couldn’t find motivation. I felt lost, like nothing would ever turn out right, like I’d tried so long but nothing made trying worth it. I haven’t been doing my work, I haven’t been writing, I haven’t really been doing anything except eating hash browns, watching How I Met Your Mother, and wishing I could get it in me to actually do something productive.
But then something happened this morning.
I was catching up on HIMYM’s 7th season, and a song played at the end of the episode. I didn’t recognize the song, but I did recognize the voice, it gave me chills. I looked it up and lo and behold, it was who I thought it was – the song was none other than Florence + The Machine’s “Shake It Out”. I listened closely to the song and it’s lyrics once or twice, and I truly believe the epiphany I had at that moment was one that may just have saved my life.
I can’t deal with waiting for everything to sort itself out anymore. As frustrating and stressful as life can be, I won’t let myself give up like this. I’m not going to wait for motivation and progress, I will make my own progress. I’m going to start doing what I know I need to do – even if I don’t see immediate results, I will make progress. I can and will make this work. I just have to keep trying. Not only will it more than likely improve my emotional state, it will ultimately make my life better. How am I going to do it?
Baby steps – I’m getting back into the groove of doing my work, writing and researching, etc. When I finish writing this, I’m going to grab the book I’ve been on the same page of for five weeks despite my urge to get back into it, and make as much progress as my mind is up to. When I’m done, I’m going to finish some work, and maybe do a bit of research on the Regency Era for a writing project. I’m going to start crossing things off of my to-do list and stick to my schedule a bit closer, and I may start doing some warm-up writing exercises to get my mind working when I don’t quite feel the motivation to work on one of my projects, and I’ve got a few blog posts planned for the future.
Along with this, it’s been a hard decision, but I’ve moved the previous Camp NaNoWriMo project I was talking about to the August Camp NaNoWriMo. This June, I’m going to be working on a different story, a quick break to relax my current project while I pan out details and do more research. The story I’m working on will be a continuation of a short story I posted a while ago, which is using the project I’ve been working on for a few years as a basic outline with several drastic changes for the better. It’ll be a way to escape for a bit, while still getting work done and sinking my toes into my schedule.
Starting today, things will change. I will make progress, and so will my writing – if all goes well, you guys will be along for the ride.
And if anyone reading this whenever they do is having a hard time?
You can make it. It’s hard, I know it is, with personal stress piled on top of everything… but push through, shake it out and remember that it’s always darkest before dawn.
How are you guys doing?